Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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