I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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