I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize