your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
