I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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