Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
