Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
