Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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