Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
