he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
