those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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