You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
