In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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