You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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