Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
