I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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