why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
