can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
