I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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