i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
