I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The air taste purple.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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