The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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