haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
