So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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