watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
