i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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