nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
