i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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