Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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