Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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