i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
