We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im part way to drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
