just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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