I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
