Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
