I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my shit smells like andre
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
