i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
