He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
