Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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