apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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