i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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