I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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