Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
