totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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