she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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