I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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