are you still at the devil's house?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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