and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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