first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
