Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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