I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
