the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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