Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
