He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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