im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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