normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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