If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
