Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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