I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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