Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
