so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
