If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
